braavado | IC CONTACT (FOR HAVEN)

[The silence on her end probably speaks for itself already, but her words, softly spoken, and riddled with guilt, make it difficult to overlook her prior knowledge of it.]

I know. [A beat.] It's not how I wanted people to find out.

[There. She said it.]

[Wan's response to that came after his own silence. The anger boiled up again, but it was tempered with simple anguish. Hurt. Betrayal. And he couldn't keep the last out of his voice when he responded, tone bitter.]

How did you want them to find out? They stumble upon it and find a friend, a wife, a daughter. Their bodies laying there, lifeless in boxes when for a months the only thing that got them through the day was the knowledge that if someone wasn't here anymore they were at least outside Yao Corp's grasp? Is that how you wanted people to find out?

[Korra winces, drawing her legs up to her chest, suddenly feeling cold. She's never heard him use that tone with her before, and she knows she deserves it for keeping it from him, though she's still conflicted. Part of her is telling her Wan and the others are right, that they deserved to know earlier. The other part, suspicious and weary after a year in Haven and supported by the other friends who knew, still says it was for the best. She doesn't know anymore.

She sounds tired when she replies.]

No, I--I knew it would be almost impossible to get in there right now. [No one would be able to just stumble upon it. Korra's words gains a hesitant quality when she talks again, voice sounding a little small, even to her own ears. ] I was kind of hoping we'd just...tell everyone once we knew how to get there and break them out.

[Unknowingly, Wan mirrors her position. His own legs drawn up and his arms over his head, fingers curling into the hairs at the nape of his neck. He was fighting tears now and his lungs were starting to burn from the effort to keep from shedding them. His breathing noticeably heavier.]

We were just expected to sit in ignorance until you and whoever else you decided was worth telling figured something out? You didn't think that maybe telling people might get you new ideas on how to do that? Might give them something worth working toward?

I didn't tell anyone else. Someone else told me about it.

[Though that doesn't exactly make it better. She curls into herself even tighter, knowing she's at fault for his anguish. She'd felt the sharp tug of the Avatar State earlier, almost immediately after Nagachika had sent his words out over the phone.]

They--[No that's not right. She had a hand in making this decision, too.] We thought... keeping this quiet was the right thing.

It looks like we were wrong.

[He had thought the only secrets she kept from him were ones she felt ashamed of. Ones like how she got her scars and the accidental breaking of the revival machine. But this, letting him think all this time that Raava had gone back to their worlds? That Aang had. And Jet. And Katara. Sokka, Zuko, Tenzin.... Lizzie. The girl he'd adopted in another life. Fake memories or not, he'd treated her as his daughter. He'd loved her as his daughter. And he thought she was safe.

All of them being safe gave him hope.

Wan finally broke at the words, tears falling and a sob wracking his chest while he tried to muffle it in his knees.]

[Korra hears him despite his best efforts to keep quiet, and it hits her hard, the tears that had started to well up earlier finally rolling down her cheeks.]

I'm so sorry.

[Once the words are whispered, Korra covers her mouth with her hand, muffling her own sobs. Normally, she would go to him, giving what comfort she could, but she doesn't think she's the right person to do it right now. If he would even want to see her at all. So she sits there, phone pressed to her ear, and waits--for what, she's not even sure.]

[Wan sat there, the tears pouring out and his lungs rattling with every sob. He didn't know how much time passed, how long it took to for his eyes to dry up, for his throat to go hoarse. He only knew he was in pain and he was alone. He'd heard Korra's quiet apology and he'd expected her arms to be there. He'd expected her to be there.

It took him a couple minutes to blink the remaining tears away enough that his sore eyes could see through the fuzzy haze of liquid. His phone was still there, the sky was sill dark. Maybe it hadn't been that long at all? Maybe she just hadn't gotten out of the house yet?]

Korra?

[He croaked out her name, confused, worried. It didn't take that long to get to their roof.]

[The phone's held loosely in her hand by the time Wan says her name. She fumbles with it for a second, surprised out of her daze. She presses the phone back to her ear.]

Y-yeah? I'm still here.

[She was still there. Why was she still there? He didn't want her there, he wanted her with him, so he wasn't alone. He was already far too alone as it was.]

...why aren't you here yet? Did something happen?

[She's stunned into silence. A few seconds pass before she manages to find her voice.]

I-- [Her voice cracks a little.] I thought you wouldn't want me there.

[Wan stared at his phone in confusion. Why wouldn't he want her there? That was probably the most baffling thing he'd ever heard her say.]

That's stupid.

[He didn't mean to call her stupid by implication, but not wanting her there when he was in pain? That was just, well, stupid.]

I wouldn't have called you if I didn't want you here.

[Down in the room, Korra's staring at her phone in much the same way. Her confusion isn't helping her attempts to think through the foggy-brain feeling that usually follows crying.]

But--you're upset because of me.

...but I wouldn't have called you if I didn't want you here.

[Wan repeated, slower this time. Yes, he was upset because of her. Partially because of her. But that didn't mean he wanted her to stay away.

He pulled his arm across his face, sucking air in through his nose noisily to rid his face of both hears and snot.]

I don't want to wake Sonia up.

[She's still confused about this, but she doesn't want to push her luck either. Not when she thought Wan might not want to see or talk to her for a while.]

I'll...I'll be right there.

[Korra untangles herself from the blanket and heads up to the roof, stopping just a few feet away from him.]

[Wan's shoulders relaxed when she said that and he shut his phone, tossing it to the side. He stretched his legs out and checked where he was sitting, scooting to one side to make sure there was room for her. He expected her to sit down and lean against him like they usually did when giving comfort. So when she stopped and just stood there, he was surprised. The surprise melted into worry almost immediately.

Was she mad at him?

Wan stared up at her, the silence stretching out as his confusion and concern grew by leaps and bounds. To the point that he felt a little scared to even ask, in case she said she was upset with him. Was that why she didn't think he'd want her around. Because she was upset with him and didn't want to be near him.

His eyes widened a bit in panic at the thought and his hand shot upward, to hang in the air between them. Reaching out for her.

He really needed her to take his hand.]

[The second Wan reaches out, Korra goes to him, unable to stay rooted to her place. Her hand slips into his and she drops to the ground beside him, shoulders close but not touching just yet.]

I don't know what I'm doing anymore.

[Her free hand comes up to rub at her face.]

[Wan closed the distance between their shoulders, leaning in so he could rest his head against hers as he threaded their fingers together.]

You're doing what you think is right.

[The answer came easily to him. Despite how much it hurt that she'd hidden this from him, from so many, he understood the reasoning. He didn't agree with it, but he understood it.]

Are you hiding anything else from me?

Yeah. [She scoffs before she can help herself.] I bet thinking that's real helpful when doing what I think is right just keeps causing problems for other people.

[Finally, she relaxes and leans into his side. Her eyes are dry now, but she can still feel the lingering puffiness from her earlier cry.

She's so tired of hiding things from people. Hadn't she pitched a fit at Tenzin and her dad for doing the exact same thing? And they had just been trying to protect her, too. Somewhere along the way, Korra had started following in both of her father figures' footsteps and kept information to herself. It's a realization that sits uncomfortably under her skin.

Though she's still confused about everything else, Korra does know she doesn't want to keep secrets from Wan anymore. Tiredly, she closes her eyes.]

We have a way of contacting Stefan--it's a phone that used to belong to one of the rebels, but we're not supposed to use it too often. Storage is... probably in the same place as the Yao Corp headquarters. One of my friends saw it during the raid, but her group had to leave before they could really find out anything else.

[There's a pause as she looks away. Well, if she's laying it all out...]

I didn't say anything when I woke up with new memories, but... there's something you probably don't know about Harmonic Convergence. After the fight with Vaatu, I decided to leave the Spirit Portals open.

Edited 2015-03-03 05:58 (UTC)

I know.

[The words slipped out before he had the presence of mind to stop them. And even if he'd had that, he was too tired and emotionally exhausted to care about it.]

Mako told me you did when he got here. Actually, he told me about Harmonic Convergence and what happened to you. With the connections to your past lives being severed and Raava having to rebond with you.

[Wan took a deep breath. If he was asking her to spill her secrets, he might as well do the same for her.]

I asked him not to tell you about any of it unless you asked him directly. We had just gotten out of the maze, you were... you weren't in a good place. I thought that if he told you, it would make things worse for you. That it would be better for you to find out later. Sorry.

[She's quiet as she lets that sink in. Maybe she should be upset--that Wan had been keeping things from her, too--but aside from the old flare of irritation that quickly sputters out, she's just too tired to really care. To get upset. She doesn't want to do this anymore.

Korra leans into him even more, sighing.]

Maybe we've been doing this all wrong. We keep trying to protect each other, but we just end up hurting each other when we find out later.

[Another moment of silence.]

What if...we just promised to tell each other things from now on? No more of this...hiding.

[He took a deep breath and let out a heavy sigh, rubbing his thumb over the knuckles of one of hands. He honestly didn't know if that would be better. It kind of felt like Korra was saying they couldn't trust each other unless they told each other everything. And that wasn't the case. Not for Wan.]

I still trust you, you know.

[He said softly, voice heavy with wariness.]

And I wasn't lying when I told you it was okay for you to hide things from me if you aren't comfortable telling me. This is just... it's different than keeping how you died from me. It's different than waiting to tell me about breaking the revival machine. This is something I've been telling people who come here that there's hope. That those they love are safe from Yao Corp's grasp if they disappear. I've been lying to them because I didn't know any better. And you let me do it. You knew I was giving them false hope.

You knew I was giving myself false hope that Raava was free of them in a way we can't be yet.

That's what hurts.

I didn't mean we should tell each other...everything. Everyone wants to keep some things to themselves. [It's a weird thing to say, perhaps, considering who Wan is, but they are their own people despite sharing a soul.]

Just...you know, we both hide things when we're trying to protect each other. Me with Storage, you with what Mako told you. I think we both know that we can handle things now. That's what I meant.

[She falls quiet again, before saying, tiredly:]

I know...and I'm sorry. You giving them that false hope is my fault, not yours.

Yeah. Okay. You're right. We can handle it. And we have to remember that.

[He turned his head to nuzzle her cheek.]

I forgive you. Will you forgive me?

[Korra leans into the touch, feeling like a huge weight has been lifted off her shoulders.]

You don't even have to ask. [She replies, voice still soft, but relieved this time.] We'll just...have to learn from this.

IC CONTACT (FOR HAVEN)

audio;

audio;

audio;

Re: audio;

audio;

audio;

audio;

Re: audio;

audio;

Re: audio;

audio;

Re: audio;

audio;

audio;

audio; --> action

Re: audio; --> action

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)