braavado | IC CONTACT (FOR HAVEN)

It should be fine. The water can soak through all of those.

[As it's doing now. Korra closes her eyes and concentrates on what the scan is telling her, and when she opens them, she's scowling a little.]

You've fractured your ribs in a few places. And you've been walking around like this. [She gives him a look that basically says "are you kidding me?" ]

[And climbing. And running. And-- yeah. He exhales faintly and glances away.]

It's really not that bad. I'd have contacted you sooner if it was.

[He really does mean that!!]

But--broken ribs, they're some of the most painful injuries you can get.

[She's had a couple herself, when she was younger and training in the compound.]

[Korra pls stop worrying about him. He shifts, obviously uncomfortable.]

I've-- got a higher pain tolerance than most people. Captain's honour.

[Never stops worrying!!]

Are you...like the supers? [She looks thoughtful, though...she doesn't think that's quite it. Since he actually broke his rib and all, while Kal and them have a harder time of getting injured that badly.]

[With a wry gesture to the ribs,]

Not quite as durable. But about five years ago I went through a series of scientific enhancements. I was, ah-- the world's first 'super soldier'. Sort of.

[His expression twists a bit on that little tag-line.]

[There's a shift in her expression, and her free hand comes to a rest on his arm. Maybe this wouldn't have affected her as much before, but being in Haven, the thought of anything done to the body automatically makes her shift into concern.]

Experiments?

[He shakes his head, a little mad at himself for letting her think the worst.]

Willingly. I was a volunteer.

[She seems to relax a little. Though she's still leery of any kind of experiments, he at least knew what he was getting into.

It also makes her remember something that she saw while Steve was having trouble with his new powers before. She's certain the memory she glimpsed then had been him, though Steve looked so different then.]

Was it...something to do with how you were before? Was that why you volunteered?

[His jaw ticks off to one side.]

Sort of.

[He glances down at the faint glow of the water, and then towards the door.]

I was sick a lot growing up. [Understatement of the century.] So when my country went to war, there were-- restrictions, health-wise, related to a lot of what was wrong with me. Tried a few times to enlist, but it didn't matter.

[He lifts his left shoulder in a half-shrug.]

Met a man who was willing to give me a shot. He did more for me than I can ever explain. I'll always be grateful for that.

I think I saw...something. When you were having trouble with the mind-reading? I saw you in my mind, but you looked...different.

[Almost unrecognizable. Korra shifts her gaze to the side, realizing what all of this means.]

You wanted to fight and protect people. [This much she can guess from what she knows of him.] You volunteered for the experiments so you could enlist.

[He smiles, crooked.]

Well, I was a foot shorter and about a hundred and fifty pounds lighter back then.

[When he thinks of himself now, that's still the person he sees. He's only Captain America in the history books, and to the people that don't know him very well.]

And yeah, that's-- about the size of it. The thought that there were people that were off fighting and dying for my freedom, while I did nothing-- that... it didn't sit right with me.

You're brave. Not a lot of people would think like that, or put themselves through experiments so they could help other people.

[She wonders, if she were like that--weak physically from some sort of illness--would she keep on fighting and trying to protect people like Steve did? She'd like to think so.]

So those experiments made you...stronger?

[It never does sit well with him, being praised for what he thinks should be a normal reaction. A lot of men volunteered for Project Rebirth, Steve-- was just the one that got picked.]

That's one way of putting it, yeah. Stronger, tougher. I can about keep up with a car if I've got a good pair of shoes.

[A bit of a joke, that.]

Sometimes it's enough to make a difference. Sometimes it isn't.

[It is a sad state, and Korra would realize that if she actually thought about it.]

What do you mean? If you were a "super soldier" or whatever you called it, that means you got to fight, didn't you?

[He nods, firm.]

I did. But fighting's not always enough. You can't plan for every contingency.

Yeah... [Korra's smile is wry as she looks down.]

I sort of learned that the hard way.

[He leans back in his chair. The water is cool against his side, but it's soothing.]

I'm sorry. I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

You learn that...when you're in a battle.

[Korra's words are soft as she tends to him.]

No matter how much you plan, things just keep going wrong, and people keep getting hurt--

[She cuts herself off, frowning.]

[He draws a breath, cants his head to one side.]

It's all right to talk about it. If you need to. It helps. Sometimes more than you might think.

It's the same for you, you know.

[Korra looks at him, thinking of all the memories she'd glimpsed while he was struggling with his telepathy.]

[There's a flicker of a smile.]

I know. I'm speaking from practical experience.

I guess...I'm still not completely used to it. [She's gotten better, but pushing those first few words out of her mouth to start is just...too much of an effort sometimes. Korra looks at Steve hesitantly.] It's hard to say these things when it feels like people expect a lot from you.

[She pauses.] Did you find someone you could talk to?

[He's silent for a moment. He doesn't like sharing the details, but-- she's someone that needs it. He can lay down on this wire for her.]

Not at first. When I grew up, it was... normal, not to talk about your problems. If there was something wrong with you, up here-- [he taps a finger against his temple] You were considered weak or sick or insane, and you couldn't show that to anybody if you wanted people to think well of you.

[How many men came back from the war and killed themselves? So many people he knew ate a bullet, or drank themselves to death, or simply disappeared. All so the rest of the world wouldn't have to see them bleed.

The world isn't much better now, but with men like Sam-- it's starting to get that way. PTSD isn't shell-shock any longer, it's a recognizable post-combat disorder, diagnosed and treatable. It's not a perfect system, but Steve's glad it exists, and he's glad it's helping people. But coming to terms with his own biases has been harder. Captain America is a symbol, and no one likes to see their symbols break under strains and stressors like normal men. But Steve Rogers is just a man.

He forgets that sometimes, just like the rest of the world.]

The world I came back to after the war was a lot different than the one I'd left. A couple years in, and I met a man - Sam Wilson? He's been around, you might've seen him - who's a counselor for guys like me, coming out of combat. I think I talked more to him than I had to anyone else in the two years before. He'd been there too, so he knew. Asked me about my bed being too soft.

[He snorts.]

Other people didn't get that.

[But Korra will, he thinks.]

[She doesn't get it at first either. Then other memories begin to filter in, filling in the blanks--the bed being too soft that first night on the air ship as they left for Ba Sing Se. It'd taken her a while to figure out that she had gotten used to the hard, wooden beds at the air temple. Now, Korra was no soldier, not in the way Steve was, but those in the army usually slept on the ground when they were on the move, didn't they? It takes her some time to puzzle all this out instead of asking, quiet as she stares down at her hands.

What Steve is telling her now, it's not the same as what she knows, but she thinks she understands a little. Going through what he did, even the little things leave prints that are hard to erase. And those marks go unnoticed until something makes it known. Until the bed feels too soft underneath you.]

You got used to sleeping on the ground.

[Korra's voice is soft, a little uncertain as she ventures a guess. There's so many things she wants to say, but she's having some difficulty doing so. Though her hands stay steady, her gaze drops down. There's something else that's nagging at her. Some of his words hit a little too close to home, if she's honest with herself.]

There's... counselors for people who were in combat? [Those are the words she speaks. The fidgeting, the slightly lowered tone, the surprise--they say something else: This is normal? Needing a counselor after seeing combat? Her wondering probably proves Steve's point, and she doesn't even realize it.]

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sneaks phonetag

gasp

well I'm home now!!

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cw suicide/war horrors

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